just on my mind lately...

So, I just have something to get off my chest, but first a little background. I love music, always have, always will. And I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be too conceited to say that I'm good at it too. I've always considered myself to be very talented when it came to anything musical, not in a "I'm way better than you" kind of way, but in a way that I know that if I worked at something I could do very well.

Every time we move I always make sure people know that I'm am very musical and that I like doing musical numbers or helping with anything music related. I am much more comfortable doing a musical number than giving a talk in sacrament meeting. (For any of you non-mormon people that's just what our sunday congregational meeting is called) This probably comes from the fact that I don't believe myself to be very good at expressing my thoughts or beliefs...like, at all...I feel like I stumble my way through to a point and then I worry that I didn't even make sense to anyone but myself. But with music, I can find a song that expresses my feelings perfectly. Music is my language. I understand it, and I feel it in a way that words just can't match.

Now, as I said earlier, I always make sure people know that I am very musical, and yet it seems to me that I always get overlooked. In the last four wards (again for you non-mormons, this is what we call the congregation we are assigned to) I've lived in, I've only been asked to sing once in one ward, and that was only because we were friends with the ward music chairperson and I asked her if I could. I've been asked to do a piano piece in my current ward once, but only because the previous person had to back out at the last minute and I had just told the music chairperson that she could ask me anytime(and this was over a year ago and I haven't been asked to do anything since). And in the first ward from this list I've been asked a few times to play my flute, but only because it's my parent's ward and they kind of arrange it...and it's a really small ward.

I guess all of this wouldn't bother me so much except that I feel like it's always the same people doing the musical numbers. We're always told to share our talents with others, but I feel like I'm shouting from behind a brick wall...I WANT TO DO MUSICAL NUMBERS!!!! I've even tried making all the arrangements myself, choosing a song, finding an accompanist, all the chairperson would have to do is pick a date, and it still doesn't happen!

I think the reason that this has been on my mind lately is because of something that happened with our church choir. In one of the songs we were singing there was a solo part at the beginning. I was excited for the possibility of maybe having this chance to finally let my little music light shine a little bit. But, we went on vacation...and when we got back, they had already chosen the soloist...needless to say I was a little disappointed. Not that I didn't get it, but that I didn't have the opportunity to say that I wanted to do it. Anyway, then a couple weeks went by, and the people who had been chosen for the solos hadn't been there for 3 weeks and the director asked me and another person to fill in so that we could practice that part of the song. It was great! I loved doing it! And one person even made the comment that since myself and the other person sounded so good, and since the regular soloists hadn't been there in 3 weeks, that we should do the parts. The director ultimately rejected this idea, and I completely understand the reasons why, but it was kind of like I had something handed to me and then taken away. I just wish that someone would give me a chance. I feel like there's this bright light inside of me but everyone else keeps covering it up and won't let it out. It's not me, I want to let it out! But no one wants to see it...

So, sorry for such a downer of a post, but I just needed to get that out...

*insert something clever here*

Well, this summer seems to have flown by quickly for us. Our time with the kids is already almost done, just about a week and a half left. During the time we have with them we try to keep life as normal as possible, going to the gym, doing chores, etc. But by the end of our time with them I can't help but feel that we didn't do as many fun things as I had planned. I guess that would be true even if we were the "traditional" family. There never seems to be enough time (or money for that matter) for all the fun things that we would love to do with the kids.

In other news, we have finally found out what Aaron's assignment will be after OTS...Buckley AFB! So we'll be moving just about an hour north to the east side of Denver. We're really excited about this prospect as it would bring us a little closer to the kids, and it was Aaron's first choice of jobs. We've already started a little bit of looking around at the housing prospects, but we plan on staying in Colorado Springs until the new year since Aaron won't be graduating until the middle of February.

Aaron has also just started the first class of his Master's degree, and I will soon be starting what will be the (hopefully) last year of my Associates so we're also keeping busy with all of that.

Well, that's most of it. Keeping busy, but having fun!